(WARNING: Long, wordy, emotional post – proceed at your own risk)
Throughout my surgery journey, I’ve been tracking my body weight, percentage of body fat and BMI. I was really curious to see how the surgery and muscle atrophy affected my overall body composition. The past 2 months have told an interesting story.
Here’s the progression so far:
October 4 Stats
% Fat: 22.4%
November 3 Stats
Weight: XXX – 3
% Fat: 21.7
December 10 Stats (2 months post surgery)
Weight: XXX + 2 (<— highest weight…ever)
% Fat: 22.4
My weight is UP in the past month. By 5 pounds.
I know exactly why – since I’ve been able to walk, I’ve been as social as possible – dinner out with girlfriends, happy hour with co-workers, brunch with my fiance. It’s been so refreshing to be ‘normal’ again for a few weeks that I’ve gone a little crazy with it. And by trying to do so much in the evenings, I don’t make time to work out and am usually too tired to get up early and hit the gym.
We’ve also eaten more lunches out since bringing the dog home. The mornings are more rushed as we try to walk the dog and get ready and out the door on time. When I’ve been eating lunch out, I haven’t been making the healthiest choices; I’ve been making the quickest choices. Basically, it’s laziness – I could/should pack my lunch the night before but I just don’t. I could/should pick healthier lunch options but I opt for convenience.
On Saturday, when I checked my stats at my gym, I wasn’t surprised to find out I’d gained weight. I feel it, my clothes feel it. I was surprised to find out it was 5 pounds. In ONE month.
I’m lucky enough to have a tall body and long torso that helps ‘disguise’ weight gain. If I gain 5 pounds, it’s not too obvious to the outside eye. My eyes can see it and my body can feel it but if you were looking at me right now, you’d probably tell me that I’m being ridiculous. But I’m not.
I didn’t expect for it to affect me as much as it did – I’ve never been one to stress about weight gained or how I look. I’ve generally felt pretty comfortable with my body. On Saturday night, I’d made plans to see friends (the lovely Paula + Courtney & Luke) but as I started to get ready, I had a
mini major meltdown about my body. Waterworks, pouting, lots of failed outfits, the works. Nothing fit how I wanted it to, nothing looked right. For the first time in my life, I considered not going out because I didn’t feel comfortable or happy with my body.
Eventually, I got my act together, calmed down and sucked it
in up. Who am I? I don’t let some silly hamburger weight affect what I do. I don’t let myself sulk and feel bad about myself. No way. I’m LGSMASH. I’m bigger than 5 pounds. (Ha! And bigger because of 5 pounds.)
We went out that night and as soon as we got out of the car, my insecurities melted away and I became the Lynne I know and love. Not the one who cowers from a few unhealthy choices and a few extra pounds but the one who faces the music, learns the steps and corrects the dance.
I know I need to make healthier choices and move my body a bit more than I do. Saturday was the kick in the pants I needed to remember how to live healthfully. Live with balance.
I checked back in with my weight this morning – after the drama of Saturday passed, I realized that I was also experiencing that special time of the month where weight and emotions fluctuate:
Whew. A bit better – I’m AT pre-surgery weight but did still gain 3 pounds in 1 month.
My goal throughout the holidays and my next surgery is to be more conscious and smart about my food choices. To enjoy a beer with dinner but only once a week. To swap a burger for a chicken sandwich or turkey burger. To exchange fries for steamed veggies most of the time.
Small, healthier choices. Balance. And no more meltdowns.